Family Mealtimes- Why you should Focus on Family, not Food

Recently while I was eating lunch at the mall, a mom sat down at the table next to me with a little boy, about 3 years old. I had my back to them so I couldn’t see what was happening, but it was hard not to overhear their conversation. It was extremely apparent that this mom and child had different agendas. She was on a mission to get her child to eat. He, however, was much more interested in seeing and hearing what was going on around him than he was in eating his lunch. I started to count the number of times mom put pressure on the little boy to eat. She would say things like:

Focusing more on what your kids say and less on what your kids eat will lead to peaceful family mealtimes.

“Here, try my salad.”
“It has dressing on it. You love dressing.”
“Take one more bite of your sandwich please.”
“Eat this. It’s healthy for you.”
“You need to sit down and eat your lunch now.”
“Should we take a bite together at the same time?”
“Aren’t you hungry?”
“Why aren’t you eating?”
“It’s lunchtime, you need to eat.”

I lost count after at least 20 times.

Forgive my assumption here, but my guess is this was not the first time this mom has put pressure on her child to eat. It’s likely become a habit for her. I know this mom was well intentioned and all she wanted was for her son to eat a healthy lunch. I certainly can’t blame her for that! What made me sad about this situation, and the reason I couldn’t help but listen, was that the mom didn’t seem capable of relaxing and simply enjoying a meal with her son. Even though I could not see them, I could hear in her voice how stressed she was because her son wasn’t eating. Her heart was in the right place but in my opinion, her focus was not. This mom was so fixated on getting her child to eat, that she couldn’t possibly just be present and take this time to bond with her son.

Research shows that if you pressure a child to eat more, they will respond by eating less. Think about your family mealtimes. What percentage of the time is spent putting pressure on your child to eat? Even subtle things like, “Mmmm…this tastes so delicious” can be construed as pressure for some kids. If you are stressed or frustrated with how little or how much your child is eating, it is likely they will pick up on this and they may respond negatively. Instead of focusing on what your child is or is not eating, wouldn’t it be more enjoyable to engage in conversation and relish each other’s company? Try it and let me know!